Normal one only

Three weeks into my cough & flu, finally we decided to go to the big guys - Prince Court. Not that I haven't gone to see the doctor yet; I went to see one while back in Brunei who told me that it was just normal cough & flu due to the "season" even when I told him that it's been so bad. He insisted it was just the "normal one only". So, we went to one hospital in KL yesterday after a whole night of squirming in pain (my whole body was in pain! first it got real cold, then warm, then real cold!) and I informed the doctor of my three weeks of coughing so he looked worried. He told me he needed some blood sample (just for precautions as dengue fever is on the rise again) and a urine test to make sure I wasn't pregnant since he wanted me to go for a chest x-ray.

I hate needles.. I hate needles.. I hate needles... but I remember some dzikir my mum taught me and I recited it in my head while the nurse who obviously knows that I am not a fan of needles.. (who is?) chatted me up to try get my mind off it.

Me in my head : Eh why is she wiping that area? Shouldn't she be wiping alcohol on the inside of my elbow? Why is she wiping the area above my thumb? Excu.....

Nurse as she inserted the needle : There.. Just take a deep breath..

Me in my head : That's it. It's her first day at work. 

Nurse : Is it painful?

Me in my head : Very!!!! What do you think??? You punctured the wrong place! 

Me : A bit

My husband suddenly popped in (and probably sees his dramatic wife's face in agony) : Oh! Why there?

Nurse : I have to do it here because incase we need more blood or incase she gets admitted, it is easier. Oh let me help you with the panadol (temperature earlier was 39)

Me in my head : Okay... it's not her first day. I like her now.

Me : Thank you.

I told her that my body ached from sitting and she immediately said she will find me a bed but that they were full and that she will try her best. I like her a lot. After a few minutes she came back in and told my husband and I to follow her and she gave me a day ward room so I could lie down. It was a nice one too! I reeeeally like her. She told us it would be hours before the doctor could come see me as they have to wait for the lab results. I genuinely & honestly didn't mind as the bed was comfortable. So i slept for a bit and only got woken up when the nurse tried to take my temperature. 38.9. Still warm.. Maybe the panadol hasn't kicked in yet. So i slept some more and woken up again. 38.7! Yes! The next temp check it was 37.9. Panadol did its job!

Doctor came in after a while and told us that I have a viral chest infection and it caused my white blood count to shoot up.

Me in my head : Hah! Take that doctor at S Clinic! "Normal one only"

Doctor said I can skip the x-ray as well as I tested negative for dengue. Alhamdulillah. He discharged me and told me to have plenty of rest and that I could spread the virus through my coughing so I must take precautions.

As we went back home I just realised my husband; who have told me earlier in the morning that he had plenty of work to finish in the office, has missed out more than half a day of work because of me. No wonder he looked worried the entire time...but he did his best to not show to me. He's made plenty of sacrifices for the sake of my health. I am thankful to Allah for giving me such a caring husband. Alhamdulillah.

A mama to 10 cats

After being married for almost 8 years & several miscarriages, our lives can get pretty lonely. Even when we were just metres apart minding our own business, we still get pretty lonely. I felt it... and I know he felt it too. Back in the USA, all our friends had children. We would get all happy when we get to see their children and spend time with them.. then when we get back to our small little apartment, we both couldn't help but feel that tinge of sadness.

The only time in the US when our lives felt whole was when we "babysat" for our colleague's cat for a few weeks! Alhamdulillah, I was overjoyed! Every time we went out, we couldn't wait to get back home to get to lil S and every time we get back, he would be by the door waiting for us! When we had to say good bye to him when our colleagues got back, we both knew what we wanted to do : go for cat adoption! We searched and searched for adoption centres and found one merely 5 minutes away from us in Tenleytown. We found the perfect kitten, arranged for an interview & a home visit by the owner of the pet store (the process was very thorough! It was a real adoption process!) and we were set....or so we thought! After a few days, we finally had to snap back to reality, crunch up the numbers and weighed in on the responsibilities of having a cat in the small apartment. We calculated costs of transporting back the cat when we eventually have to return back to Brunei and we figured out we couldn't really afford it. As much as we loved the idea of having a little critter to take care of and make our home feel whole.. we couldn't bear the thought of getting attached to it and then having to leave it back in the US just because we can't afford to bring him back home. So, we gave up on that and moved on with our lives... slowly.

When we got back to Brunei about a year after, we were so happy to know that my family still had plenty of cats going around the house and my in-laws had two cats at home too. But somehow, my heart didn't yearn for them as much. Because they weren't mine.  ( Eseh! =P ) After a year in Brunei and another miscarriage, we were sent to another country for work. I didn't give it much thought. I knew there and then that I wanted to get a cat.

On our second week here, I took my husband, brother & sister in law out to one of the malls in KL knowing at the back of my mind that I would buy my cat that day...I just didn't know yet if I would fall in love with a small kitten or a grown cat. I was too eager to go to the pet store but I had to play it cool. We all agreed to watch "300 : Rise of an Empire" so we got tickets. After that I suggested to everyone that we take a look at the pet store which so happens to be on the same floor =P

When we looked into the cats section... I saw a beautiful orange kitten and fell in love. I thought about the price, thought to myself that it was reasonable and begged for my husband to agree. He didn't budge. I was heartbroken but I didn't give up. While looking around again, I saw her. She was so small..so adorable...... she looked confused. I asked one of the shop assistants if I could hold her. I did and looked at my husband. He didn't disagree, but didn't look too happy about it either. He told me it was up to me as I was paying for the cat. Happily I told the shop assistant, "I'm getting her!" We paid for her, bought her some toys, food, litter box and her carrier. I totally forgot about the movie we were about to go see. So we told the shop assistants that we would be back for her. Throughout the movie my mind was on the kitten that we will be bringing back home and paid not much attention to the movie... Throughout the movie, it showed how the Persians were bad! So I thought to myself.

"Oh no! Is this a sign? The kitten is persian! Is this a sign I shouldn't get her?" I told my brother and sister in law this after the movie and they laughed at me! I thought "okay.. see Liyana? You were just being silly!" and happily glided to the pet store. =P

As we reached the pet store, one of the SA's picked up the kitten and passed her to us and I happily took the pet carrier from her. Upon arriving to the temporary apartment, we let her roam free but she was too scared and preferred to sit down below the sofa. My husband after playing with her for a few minutes have somehow fallen for the kitten too. He asked me what should we name her and I thought of Bella. This was Bella when she was with us for less than a week.

And look at her now.... =)

Almost two years later, she's now a mama to 11 living kittens (3 given away to friends here). We currently have 10 cats altogether in our humble abode. Our home is full of love.. and in shaa Allah will be filled with more love soon. Aaamin =)

Our cats fill our lives with so much joy.... and pee...... and poo! LOL! But we wouldn't have it any other way. We love them and they love us. We know they do =)

The "what ifs" and "if only's"

Plenty of times where I will be sitting or lying down and just ponder on all the "what ifs".

- What if I had spent more time studying for the A levels instead of spending all those time daydreaming, going out with friends and whatever it was that I don't even remember doing? (nothing naughty! =P) 

- What if I didn't skip that one year to work for the bank?

- What if I chose to just go to UBD and take that road to teaching?

- What if I had not listened to my boss at the bank when he advised me to go take the opportunity to do my further studies instead of wasting my time working where I know in my heart was not meant for me?

- What if I had never joined the ITB BKP and never met my husband?

- What if I had chosen a different career?

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Then I realised... I wouldn't have gotten all the other opportunities that I would have never imagined getting in life. Allah SWT knows best after all. Sometimes I take that for granted, I admit. I am only human. Humans tend to take these things for granted. All of Allah SWT's plans are always beautiful and the plans He laid out for us, has been set for us long before we were born.

Then I start to think of the "If Only's".

- If only I had spent most of time doing ibadah..

- If only I made the most out of my time in Mekah & Medinah..

- If only I made the most out of my time in the USA too (3 + years and we didn't manage to go many places)..

- If only I have stayed out of all the negativity in life..

- If only I have started saving up way earlier in life..

- If only I had learnt how to filter out friends way back when...

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Then I realised... I am only human =P I make mistakes and for every mistakes, there is a lesson learnt in shaa Allah.