It has been years since I have started donning the hijab. The first time I ever felt at peace wearing the hijab was when we were back in the US. I think it's true what they say that when it's time for you to wear the hijab, Allah SWT will give you the hidayah to do so. Mine came in the forms of a few dreams. I won't mention here what my dreams were about, but my family and closest of friends know this part. It has been pointed out to me though by people who knew me, that it was funny that I actually started to wear the hijab in the US. I had some heart to heart talk with some people who I looked up to and they gave me wonderful advices about it and told me to start with a nawaitu. It had to be from the heart.
When I first started wearing it, I was very nervous. Before wearing it, whenever we go out, people would always confuse us for Filipinos and at one point, Bolivians. The latter one was funny. My husband and I were just about to step into the train from Friendship Heights; he was just talking to a random guy who was going on the same train and the guy actually asked if were Bolivians. To which we thought, huh? So he told us in this exact words, "Oh! I thought you were Bolivians, because you know.... of the height?" HAHAHAHAHAHA. It was insulting but we laughed it off. Anyways, so.. when I started to wear the hijab, I was actually pretty nervous to walk around DC. DC is known to be the hub for diplomats as the US government is based mostly in DC, so it's not surprising to see Muslim diplomats wearing the hijab.. but still. I was still so new to it. Alhamdulillah, my first few months of hijab went by so well. Then came the nasty part. I was walking with a group of friends somewhere downtown DC and some of us were wearing the hijab. We walked by a street where there were many homeless people just sitting or sleeping at the side of the street and we walked across one guy who was asking people for money. We didn't really notice it at first until he said to us as we walked passed "hey! You! I fought for your country!!" In my head, we should just walk fast to get to the nearest place. He didn't seem too happy that we were ignoring him and he then said this with disgust "You stupid muslims! I was in your country and fought for you!" We were all in shock but we walked away. When we managed to sit down somewhere, we still were pretty much taken aback by what the guy said until finally we laughed... and laughed some more. Well first, how ignorant was he to think all muslims are from the same country? But that was my first ever experience of that.
The second time was much scarier as it happened in our own neighbourhood. Our neighbourhood is known to be a very safe place as the place is prowled by police cars - it is known to be one of the more upscale neighbourhoods. I have always felt safe walking around the neighbourhood alone but not at night though. So one day, I was just walking across the street to pick up my take out; one of my favourite dishes at the Cheesecake Factory when suddenly some guy suddenly came up to me and yelled "Go back to your country!!! We don't need more muslims here! Go back!" I was shit scared as he got really close to me with his hands just waving around in front of me. Next thing I know, I was pulled back by one guy who pulled me inside the building and another guy kept the angry guy from entering through the door. I could still hear him say "Why are you defending the Muslim???" and the usual "Go back to your country!" I was so scared so I cried. The guy who pulled me was nice enough and took me to the nearby security officer in the building and told me to stay there. He said to me "Please ignore what he said. That's his own thoughts but no one elses." I managed to smile through my sobbings. I called my husband and told him about what happened. He was in the middle of accompanying some delegates from Brunei so he couldn't get out of it and I understood. So he has asked one of the male local staffs to come pick up and send me home. The guy who pulled me into the building came again to check up on me and said this "Don't worry, they won't let him into the building. He is with them now." So he was a po-po! He asked me if I needed assistance to go back home and told him no and that I was just going to stay in there for a while. I was still hungry and had to pick up my garlic noodles from the Cheesecake Factory! LOL. One of the local staffs finally came and picked me up and sent me back home. That was the last time I have ever experienced hate from anyone towards my hijab. When I got home, I was thankful to Allah that nothing bad happened and after updating my family on what happened, I had my dinner in peace. =P When my husband got home, he had this look on worry on his face. I told him I was alright and thankful that the po-po was there in time. Much later on, I found out that he and his "guys" were NUPs! Phewh! But Alhamdulillah nevertheless. From that day onwards, I have never received any treatments as bad as that. There were still some judgemental looks here and there, but never anything as vocal as the previous two.
Anyway, those are my memories of the first year of me wearing the hijab. Alhamdulillah I have managed to always keep it on when I go out. I even wear it at home sometimes when there are people of the non-muhrims around.
I know that wearing the hijab is no big deal for most people as it comes naturally for them, but to me, it was. I still struggle in other aspects of how to become a better muslim, but I try. Pasang nawaitu, okay.
