"Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart." - Washington Irving
We always seem to know what the other one was thinking even just from a simple grin, my old friend and I. When one suddenly bursts into laughter, the other would know why and when one tells a corny joke that no one else would get, the other already knew the perfect joke that would follow. We understood the unspoken words. We tried to heal the unseen wounds. We saw through the fake smiles, the lies and the tears that were uncried.
It's really funny how a short friendship could leave such a dent in my heart with the unsaid goodbye. I was young, too naive, too proud. My heart was filled with all the sadness and pain from all the "supposed" he says she says from everyone around me that I couldn't even navigate away from it all. Even years later, I still think about how if the situations were different, could we have remained friends? Even years later, I think it was silly for us to get involved into drama that weren't even ours to begin with; each going on opposing teams, teams that we should never even have gotten on in the first place.
In the early days of our friendship, I received such horrendous news on how this friend's husband tried to do something horrible to mine...... looking back, I don't even know if all of these were true...... all the unnecessary anger, pain, the feeling of betrayal and depression my husband and I went through, which eventually lead to my miscarriage..... but my husband and I decided to let it all go, for our own sake as we were away from everyone we love, so it was not good for us to delve into all the sadness. Forgiveness were silently given to those who didn't earn it and seek it.
Some time after, we managed to bury all the hurt and we managed to lead pretty happy lives. We'd drop whatever we were doing (if they weren't important! haha) and go see each other when need be. We talked of dreams, make-up, celebrities, tv shows and so many other things but rarely talk about others. We lived in our own bubble and got caught up in all things pretty...till things got in the way. Even remembering this gives a tinge of sadness in my heart.
Everything became ugly... up to a point where her friend made fun of me on social media, that was obviously visible for me to see, and I didn't even catch it at first until friends of mine pointed it out. I was hurt and promised myself not to forgive the person. Her actions were uncalled for and were obviously done to hurt my feelings on purpose. Till today, I couldn't even bring myself to forgive her and reminded myself she truly doesn't deserve it. My old friend did apologise for what her friend did...but that was probably one of the last times we spoke cordially to each other.
Some time after this, I read something from Yasmin Mogahed's page (I had to google it up just now.. But I remember what it entailed) -
"This explains why some souls feel inexplicably drawn to other souls:
The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The souls are (like) an army joined (in the world of spirits) whichever souls knew each other (in that world) are attracted towards each other (in this world) and whichever remained distant and indifferent (there) are disinterested to each other (in this world)" (Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al-Arwaah junood mujannadah)."
I guess our souls never got to meet before this...but it's okay. It does not make us both bad people. She is a good person and I'd like to think that I am a good person too. We were just not meant to be friends...and that's okay, I guess.
