Do you ever get the feeling that the rest of the world is moving so quickly around you? You see everyone you know just keep succeeding in everything they do, tackling every obstacles along their paths and doing so graciously while they're at it... and there you are just moving at a glacial pace while trying to catch up with everyone?
In this fast-paced world, I find it hard to keep up with anything.. I used to be able to handle it so well. I was a pro in putting up a facade and pretend that I understood everything. Nowadays, whenever I feel overwhelmed, I crawl back into my shell and just watch the world go by without me.
I have finally figured out that I need to take a break from everything. I need to reassess everything - focus on myself, my own health and well-being, my own happiness. It is hard to do so when I have to keep up with the rest of the world and at the same time take care of my own self too. I do get happy seeing all my friends and family happy don't get me wrong, but I can't help but question my own happiness.. which is just not right. I love seeing all the photos of babies and I get this warm feeling whenever I see my friends and family upload photos of their children, yet at the same time, I feel sad thinking how empty my arms are and how its longing to hold a baby in its embrace. I know that I should focus on all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me and Alhamdulillah, there has been many... but when it seems that people around you keep reminding you (sometimes subtly.. sometimes not so) that you are less of a woman when you are childless, you can't help but feel empty.
I want to learn to love myself again and be happy with just being me. I need to focus on getting healthy, so my husband and the rest of my family won't have to worry about me all the time.
Doa for me?
Love, Me.
