Thank you =)

I have been bruised and beaten on the inside for so long that I had no idea that I actually looked the part too on the outside. It has recently been pointed out by a few family and friends that I look different now, apparently brighter, more cheerful.. (Rafie will soooo have me thank him for making me wear red lipstick more =P) ..but yes, I do feel brighter.

Those close to me constantly remind me to block out all negativity and focus on the present, but sometimes I just couldn't get over the fact that some around me could believe all the rumours told previously until I came across this :

....and it really resonates with me.

So I try.. have been trying to not let people's assumptions of me get to me. Life's hard enough without having to worry about what everyone else say or think of you. 

I think with the new way of thinking plus all the positivity from the wonderful people around me, I have managed to tone down on all the sadness, anger and basically all the negativity. So much so that those around me have started to notice it just by looking at my face. I smile more nowadays. I have stopped putting myself down. I laugh harder. Genuine laughters. I take part in conversations. I listen. I dance to random music. 

So, thank you. Thank you to each and everyone of you who have my days a lot more brighter. Thank you for not giving up on me =)

Goodnight or good morning wherever you are <3

Life is funny.

....it really is, isn't it? I received a phone call from an old friend today while at work, someone whom I have not spoken to over a year. We stopped talking over a silly misunderstanding and I guess neither of us were willing to drop our ego to actually ask "what's going on?". Imagine the laughter/confusion we had when we finally talked it out when my friend called me back this evening and we figured out how that misunderstanding happened. (Am glad someone managed to drop one's ego and made the call =P thank you for reading my blog and for your concern with my health.)

Just goes to show that some people likes to cause a stir in other people's lives.. I just don't get it. I can't see the purpose of such things. Most recently as well, I found out old rumours about someone I care for are still spreading and it just breaks me. How do people have the time to come up with such lies and the time to actually spread it? I barely have enough time to put on my 10 minute facial masks (that I hoard and promised myself will put on at least once a week when I bought the packs. hoarder)! 

I honestly can't fathom why some people are highly invested in knowing what is going on with other people's lives... to the point that facts are manipulated so the "stories" to be told to others are more interesting. When many people struggle with mental health issues nowadays, people should be treating others much nicer and be less of a bully. I say bully because spreading rumors hurts. Words hurt too. Although they can't be seen, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 

Everyone should really start to mind their own business and just reflect on their own words and actions. Be kinder. The world needs more kind people. 

Goodnight or good morning wherever you are <3

Hello, 2019

...or rather (almost) bye, 2019! Almost a year since I have written in here.

I started work on 2nd January this year, and I can safely say, it has been better than I expected. Ofcourse, there's the occasional disappointments and the thing that I feared most (my history in KL) is rather part of a permanent record which sorta affects my current work, but it's okay.

لاحول ولا قوة إلا بالله العلي العظيم

“There is neither might nor power except with Allah”

It took a while to adjust myself at work but slowly I got the hang of it. From my first month back at work, I was surrounded by awesome colleagues who made me look forward to going to work every day (I hope you're reading this, bbg!). It reminded me of how I was at work in 2008-2009 before I left for DC... before all the pain. It reminded me why I loved working.

We also had our first full Ramadhan in Brunei this year after being away for a few years. I love that we get to do tarawih with both sets of parents (on different occasions). I love that we get to break fast with family members and friends. First day of Raya was spent with both sides of the families, Alhamdulillah. 

On the second day of Hari Raya and the day before my birthday, we lost Archie and Snowball. Some bad people broke into our home and stole them and their carriers. The police came over to look at the scene and no idea what else they did to investigate. Our hearts were broken..still are. Archie and Snowball are our babies that we have raised since they were born... Archie and Snowball are both Bella's babies... our babies... We pray that wherever they are, they are safe and cared for and we pray that whoever stole them will get what they deserve.. Aaamiiin ya Rabbal alamin.. It has been a tough time for R and I but we are so blessed to have family members who have been there for us since that day. We believe Allah SWT has something in store for us, in shaa Allah, something much better... 

I was reading through my old entries and I realised that I had so much anger in me. I have tried my best to slowly become a calmer person (tried, okay! hahaha) but I guess sometimes I do fall off the wagon. However, I love seeing my progress. I learn to accept my flaws. When previously, I hated alot about myself, now I learn to embrace it. I have learnt to like the sound of my own voice... oh how annoyed I used to be with it. I think even R notices how I am happier now. Nothing to do with anti depressants or any other medications (have stopped taking anti depressants as of June 2018, Alhamdulillah, and no longer need it according to my psychiatrist). 

We are now less than 3 months away from 2020 and I am looking forward to see what it has in store for me. I can only pray that there are many positives that will outweigh the negatives. Aaamiiin. 

Goodnight or good morning wherever you are =)